A CHRISTMAS POEM

by Roast

So there I was a'sittn',
Just a 'smiling and a 'shittn',
When I realized that it was Christmas Eve.

So I looked around for paper,
There must have been a caper,
So I closed my eyes, and wiped my ass with my sleeve.

Oh the stench, it's insane!
Maybe while I'm shopping it will rain.

So I hall ass to the mall,
It would have been a ball,
Except that I wrecked the car on the way there.

So I hop into a cab,
It really wasn't bad,
But I was broke so I gave the man a blowjob for the fare.

In embarrassment, I did wallow.
I can't believe that bastard made me swallow!

It was bedlam in the store,
And there wasn't any more,
Of anything I would consider as a gift.

So I looked around and said
As my face was turning read,
"MY ATTITUDE IS JUST ABOUT TO SHIFT!"

It got ugly, and there was pain.
Did you think that Christmas shopping is a game?

So I started kicking ass,
I was still high on the grass,
That I bought in the form of a pound.

As the fathers were a 'falling,
And the mothers were a 'calling,
I was picking presents up off the ground.

All my shopping, done with ease.
Then those fucking grinch cops yell out freeze!

 

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