SHIFTY ROAST CABLE TV STOLE MY LIBIDO

CABLE TV STOLE MY LIBIDO

(Sometimes Shifty writes things when he’s drunk.)

By Shifty

I was sitting on the couch in front of my 42 inch plasma (yes I have a five figure income) the other evening when my wife started to snuggle real close. She suggested we go to “bed” early. I replied, the new ‘Dirty Jobs’ is coming on, at which point she went to bed and I watched TV until I woke up on the sofa at 5 am with a terrible ache in my neck. What did I learn from this? Sex is much better than TV.

I think back to a time when I was in college and if I didn’t have sex every morning and right before dinner the whole day was a loss. Married Roast told me, “Shifty, once you get married and it’s late at night and you’re wife is horny and she asks if you want to fool around, you have to weigh the pro’s and con’s of actually having sex or dreaming about sex and usually you would rather dream about it.” Roast made a very crucial error in judgment. As soon as that cock hits the pussy everything else in life fades away.

You may have a cold?- gone,

headache?- gone,

sniffles?- gone,

diarrhea?- gone,

AIDS?- (don’t have unprotected sex if you have AIDS)- gone.

The whole universe seems to balance for that one brief (if you’re Roast) or eternal (if you’re Shifty) moment.

So how do we combat the dick limping effect of cable television? My suggestion, bring back free love. Get on with the sexual escapades, and forget the corporate ladder. Be honest. Tell your wife, girlfriend, neighbor, whomever, that it’s time for some serious lovemaking. Start what you claim and if your libido is a little stale, practice until it’s perfect.

Turn off the television and tune into the pleasures of real life. Cable television will always be around, spreading their entertainment propaganda, but if true happiness is the goal, do a little muff diving and see where the pleasure stems. Don’t be afraid to initiate the revolution.

If you are a woman, give your man an unreciprocated blowjob every morning for the next five days and see where the evening sexual activity leads. If you’re a man, start helping with the housework/childcare and initiate some digital manipulation at night before bed and see how easily household tension is relieved.

This isn’t rocket science it’s cock-it science. Be a man and show your significant other (one night stand) how to be a woman.

Turn off the T.V. and turn on the freedom. Listen to yourself and forget the world. And then…and then, start making decisions based on the rational, clear thoughts of the cum-free mind and forget the ideas of the undersexed, over-paid, brainwashed leaders of today. I’d like to thank great pussy and Jack Daniels for giving me this time to speak my mind.

Shifty.