HAPPY BORROWING (STEALING) SOMEBODY ELSE’S PREMISE FOR A WEBSITE DAY!!!

I’m a big fan of a website called GIRLS ARE PRETTY.  Today I talked to my lawyer, and was instantly setting the conversation into something that fit right into that website.  But I don’t have that guys’ website.  I only have this steaming heap.  So, without further ado, I give you:

HAPPY YOU GOT REAR-ENDED ON YOUR MOTORCYCLE, BROKE YOUR PELVIS, AND RECEIVED A SWIFT KICK TO THE GROIN AS COMPENSATION FOR IT DAY!!!

Today is another day, much like many others before, and many that will come after.  Until that is, your lawyer calls you with some good news.  The insurance company of the man that rear-ended and nearly killed you last year is ready to settle.  “It’s been a quick thirteen months.” you will think to your self as you field the call. 

And it has. 

Pain medication and heavy drinking can make the time just fly right by.

“So, do we have a proposed number?” you will ask, thinking to your self of all the things you could buy with the small fortune you are about to receive.  After all, not only did the crash total out your beloved motorcycle and break your pelvis.  It stole a piece of your soul.  And souls are not cheap my friend.   You’re thinking a small island with your own private Navy and Air-Force would make you feel better.

“Yes, we have a number.  They have proposed twelve dollars.” your lawyer will say, as he tries to find a good place to mention that his cut is four dollars of that.

“Twelve Million?” you will ask, even though you already know you are going to get eight dollars.  Eight dollars to most is a lot of money.  That could buy lunch at McDonalds for you and a friend (assuming your friend doesn’t want a drink and fries).  But to you, it’s a paltry sum, as you owe over $15,000 just in medical bills and bike payments.

“Oh, the insurance company had one other thing offered in the settlement.”  The lawyer will say after you go to his office and sign the paperwork.  “They wanted to give you a swift kick in the groin, as a sign of good faith.”

“I see.  Do you get a third of that kick in the groin too?” you will ask, as the crushing feeling of being defeated settles down upon you and your balls.  “Yes,” your lawyer replies, “my third of this good faith agreement is being the one who kicks you in the nuts.  So, how do you want it?  Donkey-Punch style from behind?  Or School-Yard style from in front.  I charge the same for both”.

You weigh your options carefully, and then with a courage that only a man that lived through a horrific accident could muster, you say “Donkey-Punch, and make it a good one.”

You then take your eight dollars and buy an ice pack for your nuts, and a six pack of beer for your ego.

HAPPY YOU GOT REAR-ENDED ON YOUR MOTORCYCLE, BROKE YOUR PELVIS, AND RECEIVED A SWIFT KICK TO THE GROIN AS COMPENSATION FOR IT DAY!!!

Copyright 2005-2008 ShiftyRoast.com

All Rights Reserved