SHIFTY ROAST BE MY VALENTINE

BE MY VALENTINE!!!

February 6th, 2007

I have a secret to share. There is no other possible way to say it, so I’m going to say it right out. I, Roast, am a secret admirer. I am the creepy guy that sends you flowers signed anonymous, the guy you don’t know exists, and it breaks my heart that you don’t. I sit alone at night wondering what you are doing, and if you are ok.

If only I knew your number, I could call, and then hang up when you answer. But alas, our relationship never got that far. I don’t know if this is the booze talking, but I’m coming right out and telling you how I feel…

I think I love you, Person that Stole the Stereo Out of my Truck. PTSSOT for short. Actually, I’ll call you by your nick name that I so lovingly gave you: PISSED.

Seriously, my dear, you have made this upcoming Valentines Day (VD) something to look forward to. What, with the gaping gash of a wound in my dash board where my stereo used to be mounted. It now has a companion with the wound in my heart. I can only assume that you did this as a crime of passion, since I priced replacement Stereos for the truck at about $115. I’ll give you this PISSED, you have got my attention.

Normally, I’d replace the stereo, and be on with my business. But what called out the special attention to your particular visit to my truck, you made sure to break the trim on the dashboard, and accidentally pop on the head lights. So the next morning I not only had a missing CD player, but also a dead battery. You don’t just do that to a random stranger. I can FEEL the love in your actions. But why, sweetheart, didn’t you leave a way for me to contact you?

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. But if I have no way to get a hold of a rose and actually smell it, and maybe choke it a little bit, how can I know where this torrid affair might go? Sure, I’ve smelled a few roses, (some not so sweet mind you, in, um, a metaphorical sense) but none left me stranded miles from home asking for a jump start. The fact that it was about four degrees outside to made it bite even more.

Like I said, you have gotten my attention. I do appreciate the fact that in your act of passion you found it in your heart to not break any windows in my truck. After all, how can I return your love if my truck is totally un-drivable. I have decided to NOT replace the stereo for now, and just contemplate your sweet innocent attempt to gain my favor while I drive for approximately an hour and a half each day. Just to sit in silence, listening to the sounds of the majestic road, and dream of a day when I can be as kind to you, as you have been to me. Maybe VD will be lucky this year for both of us. I’m certainly due, that’s for sure.

You have won my heart PISSED, and I invite you to come claim it. I’ll be ready, arms wide open, for your return.