SHIFTY ROAST I QUIT!!!

TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!!!

I walk into my boss's office this morning, and this is what can be heard:

Roast: Boss, I need to talk to you about that coordination meeting for the ten story building I'm going to in a couple of hours.

Boss: Sure Roast, what's up?

Roast: Well, I was wondering if you wanted me to go to it, or if you wanted to send somebody else, since you know, I won't be here to do that project.

I then hand him my letter of resignation. Dead fucking silence....

Boss: Um, so you're leaving? I mean, um, when?

Roast: The date is on the letter. Two weeks notice. I'll be happy to go and represent the company, and then pass along any information to whoever will end up doing the job.

Boss: You know very well I don't have anybody to do that job. What am I going to do?

Roast: I'll go to the meeting, and I'll get everything taken care of for the job I finishing up right now. After that, it's up to you guys. I'm sure you will pull through.

He drops to his knees

Boss: I'll do anything to keep you here Roast. Anything.

Ok, so the last part of that may not have happened, but it gets boring after that. I tell you what man, in my experience there are two days that are the happiest in every job. The day you get hired to some brand new bright opportunity, and the day you fucking quit that soul crushing, life stealing piece of shit job. The days in between are just ups and downs. But I have been just giddy all day long. It reminds me of my other favorite days of other jobs.

I worked part time at nights at this little book shipping place, just for extra cash. It was seriously the easiest damn job ever invented on this whole earth. Just walk around various book shelves, and fill orders for books. Just pick them off a shelf, and put them in a box. When I quit after 6 months, I put in two weeks notice to my boss. I told nobody else. My last evening shift there, I finished my last order and waited to clock out. I talked to people I had come to know, and everybody was like "See you tomorrow Roast." I just said "Yep, I'll see you guys tomorrow. Another day, another dollar!"

I never went back, and I laughed all the way home about it.

I once worked at Perkins (another part time job on the side), a little chain of family restaurants. I suck at waiting tables, yet the turn over was so high there by the time I was in my SECOND WEEK of employment, I was training the new hires. One Saturday I was laying in bed, telling my girl friend I didn't want to go to work. She says "Just call in to work and tell them you are sick." I think this is a grand idea, so I call in and talk to the shift manager:

Roast: Hey, this is Roast, and I'm not coming in.

Manager: What, like ever?

Roast: Well, I....You know what? That sounds fantastic, let's just stick with that.

He hung up on me, I went there 6 months later and collected my last pay check. It was the best spontaneous quit ever.

I once worked for Pepsi Cola driving a route truck that sold to convenience stores and stocked pop machines. One day my Route Manager was with me on my route, and I told him I couldn't do the job any more, because it was giving me chronic neck problems. He asks what I mean, and explain that I couldn't do any more of this. As I said it, I bobbed my head up and down and made the international tongue in cheek move that signifies a blowjob. After he stopped laughing, he said that he understood.

Man, I LOVE quitting jobs. I think I should get another part time job soon, just so I can quit it. It is always fun.

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