SHIFTY ROAST COPENHAGEN CHRONICLES

COPENHAGEN CHRONICLES - PART ONE

It’s 9:00 on Friday morning, and I am having an all out shitwreck day.

I’ve got some emergencies, plus some stuff that was due by the afternoon, and I have to try to slip out early to sign the papers on my house. My office is a disaster, with plans open to various pages all over the place, tons of paper work scattered on my desk.

Five different drawings open on my computer, and a million things running through my mind. In an effort to de-stress a little, I stand up in front of my computer, and pull out my brand new can of chewing tobacco that I bought the night before.

I look at it, and smile knowing that the brand new can of chew with the moist tobacco is always the best. I start the trademark hand swing that defines a Copenhagen man. My hand swings down in the fluid arc that I use, and I get a good “THWAP!” sound at the end of the down stroke.

This makes my smile and warms my heart that I soon will enjoy a tobacco head rush. As I bring the can back up, a strange feeling in my hand alerts me to something wrong. I mentally run through the whole process, and, not being very complicated, I am confused as to what could have happened. At the top of the upswing, it becomes painfully obvious as to what the strange feeling in my hand was.

It was the lid coming off of the can.

I put the breaks on, but as they always say, the hand is quicker than the eye, and I’m already started on my down stroke. I have the motion halted by half way through the down stroke, hold up the can, and look and wonder:

"What happened to all that chew that was in there?"

The answer can never convey the site. I wish I had taken a picture with my phone of it. I never knew so much chew was in one little can, but it covered EVERYTHING. My computer keyboard, on top of the monitors, plans, paperwork, carpet and chair.

Ever square inch of real estate for a 36-inch radius half circle in front of me was doused in Copenhagen. And I was already running late to a meeting. You want to start a day off on the wrong foot, give that a try sometime.

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